this is not the time

gini deh gini, aku udah kelas 12. aku udah hampir 17 tahun. i know what i do and i choose what is the best for me and my whole life, i do the best for me for you both. to make you both proud of me. im trying my best. but they just see me in my bad side. they remember my bad side. they just remember my good side when i do something great and it just happen for a while. i already grown up. this is not the time for you to angry with me. i know which is right and i know which one is wrong. everything what i do is wrong in your eyes. everything that we do is always has a good and a bad side. but if you just see the bad side ill always be bad in your eyes. coba aja ada satu hari yang ak bener bener complitely happy. how could my life will great if i couldnt find happiness everywhere? :)

fuckin feelin

im tired of all this. im tired to be haunted with this feeling. i trully know what is the definition of stress. and now i feel this, i couldnt find happiness everywhere. nobody know how hard my life is. aku ga melebih2kan sesuatu kok suwer but my life is really hard. i really madly trully badly sure that no one understand me. this is not just a sentences but i say this and i really mean it. i cant be me myself to everyone. i cannt enjoy my life to be like this. aku harus jaga sikap sm semua orang. sama dia aku ga boleh gini sama dia aku ga boleh gitu ahhhhhh capek. everyone bullshit. i cannt be my self.

hv you ever feel this? actually i hate people who says that "aaaa stress aku" which is theyre stress just because a little thing hahhh shut the fuck up. please. you dont even know what is the real definition of stress. i ever feel the same like this last year, and it hurts. 

15/07/2014

dicuekin ya enggakla jelas enggak. not at all. tp ini cuma berbeda dari biasanya. aku ga bisa cerita ga bs santai ga bs jadi diri aku sendiri didepannya. sll nahan hati wkwk walaupun mgkin bagi dia nothing happen but no lah i just dont want to talk. i dont want to disturb you. aku ngmg sering bgt dianggep biasa aja. iya sih mmg nada bercanda like nothing happenla. coba aja didunia ini org bs sadar sendiri tanpa kita ngapa2in. ak males argue debates and fighting. males banget. jadi drpd sakit hati enakan diem aja kan. pretend like everythings okay. aku gamaulah skrg trlalu banyak nuntut dsn banyak bicara. aku gamau dusturbing aja. ak udh jaranglah cerita, aku cuma lebih sering jd pendengar. okekkee aku juga sadar post ini lagi lahi alay dan trlalu lebay hahha no la aku gaakan perna marah kecuali udh parah bgt hehe paling ak cuma kecewa dikit dikit atausedih bae ck ituma. mgkn dia never think like i thinkla. aku sadar kok ak overthinking. trlalu berlebihan. semuanya dipikirin. cepet takutlah blablabla lah jnilah itulah yaudahlah makanya aku enkn sendiri drpd showing atau cerita ke org dan drpd mreka ilfeel yoooo sdh ck itu nah. aku sebel aku sebel bgtbgt. ga ngerti lagilah sbnrny siapa yg salah ap ak yg salh

the nyesek day

i dunno why but im nyesek. i know ak ga sepantesny nyesek but yesh i just cannt enjoy with situation like this. this is still the first and i already nyesexx, how about the next event. ok then i realize that i cant hold this too long. capek hati adek cedih telus kak capek..

aku sadar ak overthinking about everything. but sometimes in some case ak gabisa tahan dan meluap. aku sadar ak ni lebay bgt dipikirin terus sadar kok sadar serius. but nyesek come and go by itself. 

capek adek kak, lelah hati adekkk hahahha retak retakkkk hahaha i dont want to tell this to you bc i want you to realize by yours not bc i tell this to you.

i dont want to be like batas or penghalang but like i said before im just overthinking and you cant make me feel safe.

maybe this is your happiness so i will make this as mine too. but why so hurt?!

i found it

today is the day that i wait for. now everything become clear and clearer. i saw the paper than i know the answer that i already throwed into garbage by them. no, i dont even want it. i really dont want it. i just wanted to know that, if i still appear for them or not. today is the day. today is the result. today is the answer of my confuse every moment.

roda itu berputar. kadang diatas kadang dibawah. tp semuanya buruh proses kan untuk keatas dan kebawah. sakitnya itu ketika udah naik tanjakan dikayuh dengan susah payah, udah hampir menuju puncak, tapi tiba tiba jatuh semuanya.

apa ak emang udh dianggp ilang kali yah hehehe. yang bikin ininih sakit adalah DILUPAKAN. bukan TERLUPAKAN. ak bener bener gatau lagi harus gimana. aku capek ngegalauin hal hal yang seharusny ga penting kaya gini. mau crita juga percuma buat ap diceritain.

they dont forget, but they dont want to remember me. i just wonder what is my fault. if i had a big mistake why dont tell me and explain. but i think theres someone who had bigger mistake than me and no one remember what she already did. huft sudahlah ga pentin. aku tau post ini gaje. ini link post bagian ga aku post kemana mana. semoga gaada yang baca dlm waktu deket ini wkakakka peace restless and gawl😅😅